Hikaru, Starring Kaoru
by Sporadic Delusions
Summary: Hitachiin Hikaru: Personal Assistant of Ootori Kyoya / Hitachiin Kaoru: Currently Unemployed / It really isn't a surprise that, in order to hold such a competitive job, Kaoru fills in when his brother is sick. Kaoru figures he needs to cut the snake at the head and stop this ploy before it even starts. AU – Canon Divergence
1. Chapter 1

**A/N - Kyoya went to Ouran, but didn't join the Host Club. Everything else is the same.**

 **This is set three years after high school ended, so Haruhi, Hikaru and Kaoru are 21. Kaoru is studying fashion design at university, which is the reason for his current unemployment. Hikaru decided to become a secretary/personal assistant for Kyoya, obviously and doesn't have any further education. Kyoya is head of finances. Ootori Yoshio hasn't handed the reins of the company to any of his sons yet.**

* * *

If there's something Kaoru prides himself on, it's how well he knows his brother. It's the way their thoughts seem to flow together, the way he can sense Hikaru's mood without so much as uttering a word.

So it's really no surprise that Kaoru can tell that Hikaru is up to no good, even as his older brother lies in bed, ice pack resting on his forehead.

"How long do you think this is going to last?" he moans, throwing Kaoru a look of long suffering. "Do you think I'm going to make it?"

Kaoru watches his twin in silence for a moment before shaking his head slowly. "This might be the end, Hikaru. This might be all there is for us."

"Oh, stop," Haruhi snaps, setting down a cup of tea and a couple of pills on the bedside table. Her words don't have any bite, and her glare seems soft when she aims it at where Kaoru has perched himself on the side of Hikaru's bed. She was called over as soon as Tamaki heard the news that Hikaru was bedridden with the flu this afternoon. "I brought you some Tylenol, Hikaru."

"You don't have to do that!" Tamaki cries from behind, and they all turn in time to see the door being flung open in flourish as the former Host King waltzes into the room. Somehow, Hikaru's illness has garnered as small crowd, as unnecessary as it may seem. "That's what maids are for! On second thought, if that's the commoner's way, that's how it must be done! Oh, Hikaru, darling, how are you?"

Kaoru turns his head away, and mimes puking for Haruhi, who giggles quietly while hiding behind her hand. She glances furtively towards the couple, but they seem caught up in each other, as they always are, and don't notice the joke aimed at their expense.

"Not you too," she protests jokingly. "If you have to, the bucket's over there."

And indeed it is. Kaoru makes a face and turns back to watch his twin swallow pills. Hikaru looks up at him, tired and full of mischief.

"Oi, Kaoru," he says. "I can't go into work like this."

Obviously. Kaoru gives a wary nod of assent. Hikaru's up to something. He'd been waiting for this, of course, but it comes as a surprise that he would reveal in front of Haruhi and Tamaki.

"You know, I work in a pretty competitive market and Kyoya's not a very forgiving man. He'll throw me away in an instant without thinking twice about it."

This isn't the first time Kaoru's heard Hikaru whine about this sort of thing before. He calls Kaoru up and drones on about how if he's three seconds late to work, Ootori's got someone else who's more punctual. If he hands over a file with a paper missing, Ootori knows someone on the job market far more organized. Hell, if he measures the coffee beans wrong, there's someone lined up who's a better barista. However, Kaoru's never been under the impression that Hikaru's job was in serious danger. Unless…

His eyes widen a fraction. "You don't mean…"

"I do," Hikaru announces, with far too much energy for someone who was just puking his guts up into the wastebasket at the side of the bed fifteen minutes ago. "Kyoya doesn't have time to wait for me to make a full recovery. Which can only mean one thing!"

Kaoru narrows his eyes. "No."

"Kaoru! It's brilliant!"

"What's going on?" Haruhi cuts in, eyes darting between the twins. Tamaki looks confused, hand reaching for Hikaru's uncertainly.

"It's a good idea," Hikaru argues. Kaoru shakes his head.

"No, it's not," Kaoru retaliates. "Think of all the ways it could go wrong!"

"The consequences would fall on me," Hikaru says, making pleading eyes at his younger brother. "I'll be fired for sure if you don't."

There was a time when Kaoru might've gone along with it, back in high school, back when they were joined by the hip, back when it was _Us_ and _Them_ and everything was a game. Now, all he can think about are the repercussions, the negative rippling effect it would have on their careers (or lack of, if all this unfolds the way Kaoru can see it doing).

"Hikaru-"

"Alright, hold the phone," Haruhi says, her voice noticeably louder. One hand rests firmly on her hip and the other comes up to point a finger accusingly at both twins. "Somebody tell me what is going on here."

"Oh, it's obvious," Hikaru says, as if everyone in the room should've seen the situation the way he did and have come to the exact same conclusion without prompting. "As I was saying before, Kyoya is not a very patient man. He's not going to wait for me to get better. He'll find someone else to fill my job. In fact, I'm almost surprised I haven't been informed not to come back to work again, what with the way I had to leave halfway through the day."

Haruhi narrows her eyes. "This better not be going the way I think it's going."

Hikaru's smile is placating and beside him, Tamaki looks lost.

"Um, I don't think I understand."

"Well, I can't get fired, now, can I? But luckily, fate smiled upon me and I have the perfect solution. A replacement at work, who looks and sounds just like me, and no one will be any the wiser. Kaoru!"

You could hear a pin drop in the deafening silence that follows. Tamaki stares dumbstruck at Hikaru, who beams around the room, sick as a dog. Haruhi glares at him fiercely while Kaoru looks at her pleadingly, hoping her common sense will win Hikaru over, or at least prevent Kaoru from doing something as dumb as agreeing.

Haruhi breaks the silence first. "No. No, I don't think so. Hikaru, your brain isn't working properly. It's probably the fever. _That_ was the stupidest thing I've ever heard and I've been listening to Tamaki's cosplay ideas since high school."

Tamaki makes a wounded noise and moves off to his corner. Kaoru nods along to Haruhi's words, exaggerating the gesture when Tamaki's ridiculous cosplay schemes are mentioned.

"No, I'm serious," Hikaru insists from the bed.

"This could be seriously damaging to both of your careers," Haruhi says, not in the mood to mess around. "If you're found out, neither of you will be hired again. This isn't a game, Hikaru!"

"I know that," Hikaru pouts, "but this will definitely work!"

"Ugh," Haruhi groans, frustrated. "Hikaru…"

"I've called Hani and Mori!" Tamaki announces, back from sulking after an unusually short amount of time. He holds up his phone triumphantly and Haruhi nods her approval.

"Good," she says and Tamaki lights up like the sun. "Let them talk some sense into him."

"Hikaru." Hani's serious voice comes drifting through the phone. Since high school, Hani sounds less and less like a small child and slightly closer to an adult ready to take on responsibilities. "This is a bad idea. You're going to get caught and it's not going to be funny."

"Hmm," Mori agrees.

"It'll work," Hikaru says. He's been sounding more and more sleepy, Kaoru realizes.

"He's still sick," Kaoru reminds everyone uneasily.

"Yes," Hani says. "That's why this is going to end so badly."

"I think you should just call in sick," Kaoru puts in.

"I know. I know," Hikaru says. "I just really, really like this job. And I don't want to lose it because Kyoya is stupid and can't go without someone waiting on his hand and foot for more than two days."

Kaoru presses his lips together. This much is true. For all the complaining Hikaru seems to do, all the vacations he claims he wants to take, he loves his job. Kaoru thinks it might have something to do with being able to snipe grumpy coworkers when butting in line because _the_ Ootori Kyoya needs this paper _right way_ and snootily saying _You'll have to wait. He's too busy for you at the moment_ when pushy old business men come into his office, but _still._ Hikaru's enjoying himself. Without Kaoru. Which, as much as it hurts, is a necessary step towards becoming independent of each other. He can't just let him give that up.

"I know," Haruhi says, smiling sympathetically. "But –"

"Fine," Kaoru says, effectively cutting her off. He frowns disgustedly at the whole situation and spits out, "Fine. I'll do it."

And so it begins.

* * *

 **A/N - I tried not to be too OOC. I know Kaoru would've played along with Hikaru's jokes in high school, but I feel like Kaoru is the one who grows up faster and is trying to help Hikaru along and generally trying to get them used to the real world, so hopefully this is believable.**

 **Thanks for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2

The first day starts like this: Kaoru marches into an unfamiliar office at an ungodly hour with a bagel in one hand and a looming sense of foreboding in other. It is _not_ Kaoru's ideal way to spend his Wednesday morning when he could, in fact, be working on his dress design for class in the hot tub. Or sleeping in and then getting up to eat a large, nutritious breakfast.

He groans at the sheer number of floors on the elevator guide as he tries to remember what Hikaru said last night at another ungodly hour, each bit of information mumbled drowsily. He settles on pressing the first number he sees when the answer doesn't magically appear before him and thinks about how stupid he is.

"This is not the kind of thing you agree to," Haruhi had hissed angrily at him after dragging him out of Hikaru's room. He shrugged her off because she doesn't understand the things you do for someone you love with every piece of you.

That doesn't change the fact that, no, this isn't the kind of thing that you agree too, doesn't change the fact that he now regrets it. The others on the elevator clearly know what they're doing, but Kaoru's day is a mess. The elevator is silent, too silent for Kaoru to turn to someone and ask what floor Ootori Kyoya works on and so he glances around uneasily.

There's a woman in a pencil skirt and a disgruntled old geezer wearing a suit. There's also a tall, slim man with dark, thinning hair, wire rim glasses and facial hair trimmed neatly around his mouth. Kaoru doesn't know much about Hikaru's work, not what Ootori Kyoya looks like (which is most likely going to be a problem) or anything about the apparent power struggle between the three Ootori brothers that Hikaru always goes on about, but he'd have to be living under a rock not to know who Ootori Yoshio is and right now, in this tiny elevator, he's standing right behind Kaoru.

This is probably how it ends, Kaoru realizes. The owner and CEO of Ootori Group speaks with Kaoru, realizes that Kaoru has no idea what he's doing and the hoax is thrown out the window.

It was only a matter of time, Kaoru reasons with himself while contemplating his options. But he hadn't expected it to happen in the first fifteen minutes of his day. Nervously, he glances over his shoulder. Ootori isn't paying him any attention. They continue climbing floors, other employees getting on and off, and Kaoru standing stiffly, distracted by Ootori's presence.

Ootori Yoshio is intense. It's the only way to describe it. It's not something that translates particularly well through pictures, but he's intimidating. He's firmly planted in this world, not drifting like Kaoru often felt like he and Hikaru were, present but somehow detached. No, Ootori Yoshio is a gravitational centre that everyone rotates around, that much is clear. His gaze is sharp and then Kaoru realizes it's boring into him.

He turns his head and meets Ootori's gaze. Kaoru can feel himself panicking, bile rising in his throat and he fights the urge to slam himself against the door of the elevator and make a fool of himself trying to escape. He counts his lucky stars for all the times he's found himself in the same situation, unclear of what's happening because he's standing in Hikaru's place. He thanks every deity he can think of that he was in the Host Club, that he's used to putting on an act. He's going to need all that experience now because Ootori is looking at him, eyebrows raised.

"Hitachiin, correct?" he questions, voice booming through the packed elevator. Heads are turning towards them. Kaoru swallows. "Kyoya's assistant?"

"Ah, that would be me," Kaoru replies, nodding.

"I believe you just missed your floor."

This is how Kaoru meets Ootori Kyoya: after Ootori Yoshio tells him that the nineteenth floor is clearly marked as _Finances_ and Kaoru tries to play it off with the excuse of still recovering from illness, he eventually makes it to Ootori's office, which, as he discovers with a tip from the CEO, is also obviously marked.

"Thank you," Kaoru says, trying not to sound too snippy, but it's hard to tell if he was successful. _Host Club experience, don't fail me now._ He gets off the lift as fast as humanly possible, shoving his way to the front, pushing through the crowd of people who he got buried behind as the floors had passed by. He decides he's going to take the stairs.

The nineteenth floor is huge, just as all the previous floors are and Kaoru makes his way up and down rows of cubicles, peering into them somewhat creepily. Everyone seems to be working on spreadsheets and Kaoru steels himself for a long day of the same. If he can figure out how to do so. Hikaru's impromptu lesson was not delivered with clarity and Kaoru has his doubts.

"Hitachiin-san!"

The voice comes from his left and he turns, hoping he hadn't looked too creepy staring into someone else's cubicle. Maybe everyone's used to it (Hikaru is kind of weird) or maybe he hasn't been caught, because the young man clad in dress shirt and tie doesn't even blink.

He does double over panting when he reaches Kaoru, tired from racing down the hall. He looks dishevelled, hair slightly messy, face plain. He looks like someone who, unlike Ootori Yoshio, blends into the background.

"Hitachiin-san! Ootori-san sent me to give you this. He says it's urgent business that needs to get done right away! He also says that if you can't be more punctual, that he'll lay you off. But that he likes you, so he might even do it personally!"

Kaoru stares at him, slowly reaching for the papers. He must be new, he figures, because nobody established and confident about his position speaks with such an air of nervousness. Or so he assumes.

"Ah, that's what he always says," Kaoru says, laughing airily. He raises the papers to his mouth conspiratorially, like he's letting the man in on a secret. "You know, I think he's getting soft. So young too. Such a pity, huh?"

The guy smiles nervously. "I don't know. He seemed pretty angry. Sorry I didn't get to you fast enough."

Kaoru waves him off, still grinning. "Don't be. I could use some excitement."

He starts off in the direction the messenger had come from. This isn't so bad, he realizes. It's nerve-wracking, yes, but he and Hikaru are so, so alike. They're one in the same and when he speaks, he knows that he might as well be stealing words right out of Hikaru's mouth.

"Um, Hitachiin-san?"

"Yes?" Kaoru stops, waiting for the messenger to continue. He still sounds nervous.

"Are you feeling okay?"

Kaoru nods impatiently, looking questioningly over at the trembling figure. Word really got around about Hikaru's illness.

"Ootori-san's office is that way."

"Ah – yes. Yes, of course. Sorry, must be the medication."

Kaoru turns, marching in the opposite direction and fighting a losing battle with the rapid rise of blood flooding into his cheeks. He can feel the messenger's eyes on him, but he doesn't glance back. Instead, he opens the file in his hands.

It's a mess of paper, really, and Kaoru has to sort through them before he can make any sense of them. It's something about a new patient, admitted for major surgery for major money that needs to be transferred immediately. He bites his bottom lip, nervous. This isn't the kind of assignment he wanted to start the day with. Something easier, maybe, to ease him into it. He has no idea what he's even supposed to do.

Kaoru is totally lost in his thoughts and the papers and somehow, his legs are still moving towards Ootori's office and he doesn't notice someone approaching until they smash into each other.

"Hitachiin," a cheery voice greets him from the floor, where there is also a scatter of papers, now wet with the offender's coffee. "You're awfully late. And distracted. Not totally cured yet, I guess."

Kaoru stares at the woman on the floor in dismay and then at his files. His heart sinks in his chest. This is not happening. He should have listened to Haruhi. Her advice is always spot on. _Damn._

"Uh, yeah," he says, reaching frantically for his papers. The woman gets up and brushes herself off. Kaoru feels guilty in a detached sort of way for not helping her up, but is more worried about the sopping papers and his coffee stained shirt and how late he is. "Ootori-san wants to see me right away and I'm late, and _shit,_ I don't think these are readable." The ending comes out mumbled, more to himself than the woman.

"Here," she offers, and picks up some papers. "Yeah, I think you're right. Were these important?"

"Yeah. Shit, he's gonna kill me. He wanted the money transferred right away," Kaoru says, running a hazardous hand through his hair. The papers in his hand are now useless and this day can't get any worse and he hasn't been here an hour. "Sorry about this."

The woman waves him off. "I'm sure you'll get away with it. Ootori's got a soft spot for you."

"No," Kaoru grunts in disbelief, although he's not really paying attention and instead bouncing on the balls of his feet, hoping to be done with this small talk before Ootori actually slaughters him.

"Of course!" The woman is beaming now, absolutely brimming with unconcealed joy and clearly this is juicy talk amongst the finance department. "He went through at least five secretaries in four months before you were hired, you know! And you're always late, so how else have you stuck around this long?"

Kaoru feels a little defensive for Hikaru, because Hikaru is completely competent and extremely good at what he does and he doesn't need to seduce Ootori Kyoya in order to keep a job. "Because I'm good at my job?"

The woman grins and nods enthusiastically. "Of course!" she says again. "But also because Ootori's fond of you!"

"Uh, sure," Kaoru says, uncomfortable with what she's implying about Hikaru. "I have a boyfriend, though, so…" He trails off.

"Oh, that's right." She seems to deflate at this and she sighs. "Oh, well. It would be just like in shoujo manga, though." She sighs dreamily, bouncing back immediately. "The rich, handsome son of the company CEO, falls in love with his poor, lowly secretary whom he rescued off the streets and put clothes on his back."

She swipes a hand through the air, and Kaoru is reminded of Tamaki. He decides not to tell her that he and Hikaru are actually very well off.

"It could happen, still," she continues, undeterred. "It just adds a bit of drama, you know. A love triangle."

"Right," Kaoru says, feeling disconcerted being spoken about in this way, even if it's directed at Hikaru. "Well, I'm, like, really, really late and there won't be any love triangles because I'm about to be fired."

The woman laughs lightly. "See you later, Hitachiin!"

She waves at him as she retreats and Kaoru blinks down at his papers. _What a whirlwind of a person._ He shakes off her bizarre behaviour, hoping it's not contagious and hurries off. He glances at his watch and _shit,_ he's probably going to get flayed alive or maybe pushed out the window. Or maybe Ootori-san would just hire a hitman. Kaoru recalls what the messenger had said.

Ootori likes Hikaru enough to lay him off personally. How kind. Does that apply to murder too?

Kaoru arrives at the office of Ootori Kyoya with a pounding heart and a flushed face and the resolve of someone who's prepared to die. He raps his knuckles on the door beside the nameplate before cracking the door open and stepping inside.

The office itself is huge, making it clear that Ootori is the head of the finance department. There's a lot of empty floor space though, as well as filing cabinets and a large desk, completely orderly. The computer is on and the man sitting behind it is dark haired and impeccable. His hair is combed perfectly and from what Kaoru can see there isn't a wrinkle in his expensive suit. The suit is very high-end and Kaoru wants to examine it thoroughly, but he tries to suppress the urge.

If only Hikaru was interested in fashion as well. He could've had a job at an expensive fashion company and Kaoru would be spending the day sewing and designing and selling clothes to customers, something he's very comfortable doing instead of transferring money and doing reports.

Ootori looks up from his computer and it's the first time Kaoru's ever seen his face and suddenly he understands what the woman from earlier was talking about. Although Ootori wears wire rim glasses, his face, like the rest of him, is a mask of perfection, a wall that's a beautiful as it is intimidating. Ootori gives off the same aura as his father, has a presence that commands all eyes, all the time.

"You're late," are the first words Ootori ever says to him and Kaoru thinks he's going to die because his brother has Tamaki but Kaoru is very, very single. Ootori's voice is smooth and hypnotic and Kaoru is entranced. He looks down at himself, coffee stained and late, and wishes they could've met under different circumstances. He sighs internally, allowing himself another moment of self-pity before taking a deep breath and pulling himself together.

He doesn't need ridiculous, inappropriate thoughts about Hikaru's boss while he struggles to do Hikaru's job. So he pushes Ootori's attractiveness to the side, like he's done countless times because boys do _not_ take kindly to having another boy lust after them, and steels himself.

"Sorry," he says, bowing. "Traffic was bad."

One eyebrow raises at this, and Kaoru tries not to wince because this is going to be harder than he thought. The chair swivels around to look out the wall-to-wall full length windows. It turns back to him and the look he's rewarded with is decidedly unimpressed.

"Traffic is always bad," Ootori says. Kaoru stares because is he crazy, or is Ootori's lip twitching? It's very subtle and Kaoru would've missed it if he hadn't been staring so intently at Ootori's flawless face. "Stop sleeping in."

"I wasn't!" Kaoru protests automatically, before slapping a hand over his mouth. Back talking the boss is not how to keep a job. "Sorry," he repeats.

Ootori sighs and his voice is stern and angry, but the twitching continues. Is he trying not to laugh? Kaoru distinctly remembers the messenger saying Ootori was so mad he was going to fire him. He does look like he could kill Kaoru if he really wanted too and Kaoru tries not to dwell on it. He watches Ootori appraise him.

"And what happened to your shirt?"

"I ran into someone holding coffee. And, uh…" Kaoru hesitates briefly before deciding that he's going to be in more trouble if he doesn't continue and says, "I think these are ruined."

He holds up the papers and Ootori's eyes narrow. "Right."

Kaoru gets the feeling this talk has been had more than once. "So, uh, I'll probably need another copy if I'm gonna complete the transfer."

"Yes," Ootori says. "They're already in the photocopy room, so you can go get them."

It's only now that Kaoru realizes that Ootori hasn't stopped working the whole time. His fingers are still clacking away at the keys and Kaoru doesn't know how he missed it, because the sound is obnoxious and now that he's aware of it, it's grating on his nerves and he can't help but focus on it. Quickly, he turns to follow Ootori's orders.

"There's also some papers about new x-ray machines there so get those as well."

Kaoru pauses, nodding. He looks over his shoulder and waits. Ootori is still fixated on his screen.

"And give the file on Mikami Kanon to Kiyabu."

There's a moment of silence and the keys stop clicking and Kaoru wonders if Ootori's still got more to say or if he can just leave.

"Are you feeling better?" It sounds like an afterthought, like Ootori had just remembered that Hikaru had went home sick the previous day, but also loaded with the way he's stopped typing to listen for the answer.

"Yes, much better, Ootori-san. I hope I didn't inconvenience you."

"That's good," Ootori says, sounding distracted. The clacking resumes and Kaoru excuses himself, closing the door behind him. He listens to the sound of it clicking into place and he just about collapses into it. He closes his eyes and takes few calming breaths. He escaped that one with minimal damage.

 _Now, just where is the copy room?_

The rest of the day passes uneventfully and Kaoru thanks his lucky stars. He gets away with asking where multiple rooms are without much questioning, although lots of people give him strange looks. The messenger from earlier is an intern named Okuda Jiro. Kiyabu Yuna, as it turns out, is the woman who spilled her coffee all over him. She also has a ridiculous obsession with investing herself in her colleagues' love lives.

"I heard Hino finally asked Morioka out yesterday," she whispers to Kaoru, who is trying to rearrange files into some kind of order. Kaoru peers up at her suspiciously. Is she some kind of stalker? As far as he can tell, there is no plausible reason for her to have this information.

"Huh," he says finally, closing the file and reaching for another. "Good for her."

Kiyabu, unfortunately, seems to be the colleague Hikaru works the closest with. She is always hovering around his desk, financial statements in hand and making small talk in the form of gossip.

"Are you sure you're feeling alright?"

"Huh?" Kaoru looks up and finds her eyeing him strangely.

"Usually you're so interested!" Kiyabu cries. "C'mon, I mean Hino has been lusting over Morioka since she got moved to the financial department. You should be overwhelmed with happiness! You should be shaking with anticipation for the development of their relationship!"

Kaoru isn't sure he wants to get involved with this over-enthusiastic relationship guru. But what she'd just said…well, that, Kaoru supposes, does sound like Hikaru, although he has a sneaking suspicion that Hikaru just likes to make other couples feel as awkward as possible. So he lets an easy, practised grin slide onto his face and sucks it up.

"Sorry. I'm still getting over the bug," he claims. "But I am excited for Hino."

"Good!" Kiyabu says, satisfied with his weak answer. "Pass the stapler!"

Kaoru absently hands it over before returning to his work. It's honestly pretty simple, this whole paperwork thing. It's mostly filling out credit card information and sending the expenses to the bank. There is a lot of new equipment the company wants to invest in and it seems like Ootori makes final call. Kaoru is the one in charge of pricing them and figuring out the best combination of machines to buy. It's all mathematics, which Hikaru has always excelled at, and reasoning, judgement based upon the best combination of prices and the current needs of the hospitals. It's easy to see why Hikaru is so good at the job, but Kaoru's not doing too badly. He's working on a time limit, though, and having Kiyabu chatter away about some gossip he doesn't care to know is slightly distracting.

"You know, I haven't seen Uyehara's wedding band on his finger recently. Do you think he and his wife are okay?" Kiyabu asks rhetorically, wheeling her chair (or rather, one of his) over to the printer. Hikaru's office has its own, luckily, so Kaoru doesn't have to get up every time he needs to print a spreadsheet, which is a common occurrence. "I guess he could've just taken it off temporarily."

Kiyabu is obviously a regular inhabitant of Hikaru's office as she's set up fort without asking. She already knows where everything is and when she'd taken a bathroom break, Kaoru had searched the drawers thoroughly, not wanting to be put in a situation where he'd have to ask her where something was. In his own office. That would probably give him away.

Kaoru is just lifting his coffee to his lips when Kiyabu casually drops, "So how's your brother doing?"

It's all Kaoru can do not to choke on his coffee. He sets it down carefully on the table. "Pardon?"

He sends out a quick prayer to whoever might be listening, prays for a saviour in the form of another colleague popping a head in, Kiyabu realizing she forgot an essential paper in her cubicle, or maybe even a large meteor dropping through the roof. This is _not_ a conversation he wants to have. Although he is slightly curious. What sorts of things does Hikaru say about him? He's probably a regular topic, because they are twins, and Hikaru likes to flaunt it.

"How's Kaoru?" she repeats. "Still single?"

Of course. They talk about his love life. Of course. Kaoru wants to bang his head on the table multiple times, but manages to resist. What did he expect?

"Uh, yeah, he is," Kaoru answers reluctantly, wondering if he should just say he has to go to the bathroom. "He doesn't really have time for dating right now, so…"

"Nonsense! Everyone has time for love!" Kiyabu declares and Kaoru makes a mental note to ask Hikaru later if Kiyabu is single. "You know, I always joke about you and Ootori getting together."

"I noticed, thanks," Kaoru grumbles, grinning a little to show he doesn't mean it (although he does, and she really needs to _knock it off_ ).

"But I think that Kaoru and Ootori would totally be compatible!"

Whoa, whoa, whoa. This is what Hikaru talks about with his colleagues? He tries to set Kaoru up on dates? Frantically, Kaoru wrestles with his options and tries to ignore the persistent voice in his head that screams _YES, YES, YES_. Personally, Kaoru thinks that Hikaru is way too over-protective of him and never wants him to date, ever. But on the other hand, he's clearly a little matchmaker, interested in his boring colleagues' boring love lives and despite all his complaining, he really is fond of Ootori Kyoya. And Hikaru is maturing. Slowly.

Kaoru looks up and realizes that Kiyabu is looking at him expectantly, awaiting his approval. Hastily, he mutters, "Yeah, I guess so."

"I mean, think about it, Hitachiin! Ootori is the gorgeous, rich son of the CEO!"

Kaoru feels like he's having déjà vu. Weren't these her words of earlier? He watches Kiyabu flail uneasily. His papers lie untouched on his desk. How on earth does Hikaru multitask like this? He's even more talented than Kaoru had been giving credit for.

"Kaoru, of course, is the young fashion student with a big dream of selling his designs to companies around the world!" Kiyabu continues, no longer caring whether or not Kaoru is listening, but she certainly has his full attention now. "Ootori meets him one day when he shows up a little too early to pick Hikaru up. It's love at first sight. Afterwards, Ootori can't get him out of his head!"

Kaoru stares in alarm, eyes wide, and decides not to mention that he and Hikaru are identical.

"However, their love has obstacles! Society frowns upon gay relations!" Kiyabu is totally lost in it, standing dramatically and waving her papers around in flourish. It's once again such a Tamaki thing to that Kaoru would've smiled if she hadn't been talking about his love life. "And Ootori doesn't want to complicate things with his true love's brother, who just so happens to be his personal assistant."

"But I'm okay with it?"

"No, no, you're the over-protective older brother!" Kiyabu corrects him. She continues on with her story, talking about overcoming the odds, marriage, kids…

It's something right out of one the shoujo manga Kaoru had seen stacked high her desk when he'd delivered a file to her cubicle earlier in the day. Deciding he wants no part in the clichéd love story she's weaving, Kaoru turns back to abandoned file and picks up the pace.

He compares cost after cost, mixing and matching the machines carefully. The pen in his hand makes scratching sounds as he marks up the papers. Kiyabu doesn't notice at all, still talking about what a wonderful couple Kaoru and Ootori would make, miraculously still managing to make progress on her own reports.

Kaoru sighs, moving onto the final page and completing it quickly. "I think these are done," he says finally, scanning through them, praying he hadn't made any mistakes. They had practised financial reports and done lessons on the best way to order stock in his classes, and while they were helpful, picking out the elements of shirt designs is not quite the same as comparing medical equipment.

"Do you want me to give them a once over?" Kiyabu asks, finally pausing her story. Kaoru glances up in surprise. Her mouth quirks up when she notices his questioning look. "Just to make sure your meds aren't addling your brain or anything."

Kaoru nods, appreciative of the offer and slides the reports across the desk. She looks through them, nodding and mumbling under her breath. She makes some of her own marks and then sets the papers down.

"Nice job," she says and Kaoru reaches for the papers again. "Not bad for someone high on meds!"

Kaoru tries his best not to scowl, he really does, but something about the woman just throws him off his game. He feels strange around her, like she can see right through him, the way Tamaki does at unexpected moments.

"I'm not on that many drugs," he protests.

"I don't know," she replies, smirking. "You've been kinda off today, so it must be something strong."

He scowls harder, knowing that he hasn't been acting like his usual self, or like Hikaru, around her. Taking a deep breath, he schools his face and sighs. "You're probably right. I feel a little weird, too."

"I knew it," Kiyabu nods wisely and then points to the door. "You better be getting those reports to Ootori-san or he'll be throwing a fit."

Kaoru looks at his watch and just about jumps out of his chair.

"Shit, shit, _shit,_ " he curses, scooping up the rest of the files and scrambling out the door.

"We can talk more later," Kiyabu calls after him and as he shuts the door behind him, he hears, "Kaoru and Ootori are going to be a thing."

* * *

 **A/N – What happens in an office? Who knows? Not me.**

 **Oh well. Hopefully you liked this! I'll try to update more frequently, but who knows.**


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